The Undesired Beauty


Whether you know me or not, you've noticed that I am plus size, fat, round, obese, etc. Its a fact! I'm not ashamed of it! I love who I am and how I look. If you don't, oh freaking well! Sadly, I didn't always feel this way! I used to hate my reflection, and I let the hateful comments from idiotic people get to me. I cried and looked at my reflection, while repeating these hateful things to myself. I called myself ugly and fat, and I assured myself that no guy in his right mind would ever date me, think I'm pretty, etc. How awful is that? A Elementary/Middle/High School student shouldn't think that way! It is awful! I'd walk in the shadows of my friends, and secretly desire attention from a guy. Anytime a guy would approach me, it was either because he wanted to copy my homework or talk to a friend of mine. It was instilled in me (not by my parents) that fat girls couldn't be loved. That is a sick view! Even when I started getting attention from guys, I'd put myself down just to fish for a compliment. Sadly, that spilled over into college. It wasn't until this year that I started to look at myself in a better light. That thought of being undesirable creeps back every now and then, but God is still working on me. I joke about living in the friend zone. Sadly, in the past I placed myself there, out of the fear of rejection. When I say that my new loving, accepting, and affirming view of myself came from God, I mean it. The way I was feeling, I couldn't have done it alone. There was definitely a higher power involved all up and through that funky mess! God is so good! He wants us to love and be loved! All Glory to Him! Without Him, I'd be a hot pickled mess. I love Him soooooo much! I love me and all 200+ lbs of me! I'm not ashamed to be me! I am black, beautiful, intelligent, and I have a kind heart... That mean streak is there too, but the puma is only released when she needs to be! LOL!! Btw, although my BMI says I'm unhealthy, I'm very healthy and in great shape. I walked 5 miles just the other day. And my weight loss is for me, not to please anyone.
Stay loved! Stay beautiful! And stay in that word.
XOXO,
B. Ieisha

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